Jen Getting Thin

The best time to start is now. The best place is here. Now. Here. No excuses. A glass of Gewurtztraminer is helping. Ok, two glasses. We're friends, right? Friends are honest with each other.

So, Friend, I'm fat. Not morbidly obese fat (that was Jen circa 2002), but still, fat enough to not be able to fit into most of my clothes. Fat enough to make me cringe when I see pictures of myself and my Christmas-ham arms.

Tonight, I weigh 189 pounds. I'll let you in on a secret: I first typed out 289. Oh, memories. I used to weigh nearly that in my early 20s. Now, at 30, I'm 100 pounds less, but still 30 pounds more than what I weighed at 29. 30 pounds is a lot of weight. I'm most likely a size 14, but I manage to squeeze into [very forgiving] size 12s. Dear friends and coworkers, trust me: I'm very aware that I'm that girl who wears the too tight clothes. I apologize. I just cannot bring myself to buy size 14s. I once fit into 8s. Size 14s and 16s would hurt me. I cannot do it.

So enough. Here and now. Today begins the journey. I so want to delete this, but I will not. I will do this. I will, I will, I will. Akward.

Ok, we've established my 189 pounds of fat. I'm just under 5'7. I snapped myself in my favorite bikini, which a year ago, looked reasonably good. Now, not so much.


Yes, that's me. And here's more of me.
Back.






Thighs in all their cellulite-y glory.

Why am I doing this? I mean, why am I talking about this in a public forum? Well, I'm a huge process buff. I spent two years studying process in grad school and realize focus must be on the process for results. I'm going to be my own experiment. Okay, we're still being honest, right? Truth is, I guess I need the support. Sure, sure, the academic in me is interested in process, but this is my life and health we're talking about, not the engineer problem-solving process or writing cycle or some crap.

Okay, I'm getting a little discouraged now. This is difficult to talk about. I don't want to be a fatty statistic. I rant about fat people all the time--how morbidly obese people don't take care of themselves and how pissed off I get at people who do nothing to help themselves, so I end up supporting them vis a vis taxes.

But the reality is that I'm the problem. We see our own worst faults in others, right?

My BMI is 29.6, which classifies me as "overweight," per the National Institute of Health (NIH) guidelines. According to the NHI, I'm nearly classified as "obese" (BMI of 30+).

I don't feel good. I don't look good. I'm 30 years old and nearly 200 pounds. Not cool.

Oh, I'm also going to track what I eat, too.

Here's another truth, friend. While I was never what you would call anorexic, there was a time when I became obsessed with calorie counting and exercise. I was surviving on broccoli and eggs and running at least 3 miles a day and lifting weights. I was miserable. I cried at restaurants because I was too afraid to eat carbs. Oh, did I mention I don't eat meat? It was not a fun time in my life, and part of me does fear going down that road again.

This will be healthy.

I intent to measure my food, too. For now, a rough order of magnitude will suffice :-)

Today, I ate:

a bowl of chocolate Cheerios with skim milk
1 chocolate-covered donut (darn you, awesome coworkers!)
1 veggie sandwich from Submarina (on squaw bread with mayo and mustard and provolone cheese)
1/2 bag of baked Lays
1 Healthy Choice pasta frozen dinner
1 Smart Ones ice cream
2 glasses Gewurtz

I actually eat quite healthy. But I don't exercise. Which is funny because I pay an arm and a leg for a really fancy gym downtown that I never attend.

I will come up with a list of all the things upon which I wish to improve. For now, this is a good start.

Oh, just so we're clear: I do love my body. I love my body because it is strong and affords me the ability to do amazing things, like walk and breathe and hike and ski and bike and sail. I love my body and I love me, and that's why I'm going to be healthy. For me, because I deserve it. For my family and friends because they deserve to have me around for a long, long time. For my niece and nephew, Godson, and young cousin, so that they have an Auntie Jen who is healthy and strong enough to always play with them. And for you, my friend, so that thru my journey to health, you will realize you, too, are capable and strong and worthy of health and happiness!

Namaste :-)